Lumis had tried to get him to go to therapy. Not Lumis as a whole, but the supervising board. They were concerned about his mental health after multiple reports had flagged Jimmy as toxic to his peers. They all believed that if Jimmy learned to reason why, that he would be able to perform even better for the company. Learn to respect authority and co-workers and somehow that would lead to a better outcome for everyone within the company.
They were wrong.
Jimmy had always known why he did what he did. He was aware of his loop. Lure someone in, give them enough to feel special and make them fall in love, self-sabotage and leave them at a loss. Repeat. Jimmy was a very rational man after all, he didn’t do things without good reason. He did it because he was powerful.
His sales had tanked the moment the therapist had got Jimmy to agree to her social experiments. He had gone from the top of the ranks to three straight months somewhere at barely acceptable. The company had lost millions in the process but had learned crucial information Jimmy could have told them himself. He had a mental disorder due to past traumas that teetered him on the edge of being a sociopath.
He had always been fascinated with therapists. Talking to someone about all the issues of your past and present and having them attempt to analyze it all without all the details. He commended her for getting much of it right, even giving him a new perspective on small issues, but she had been dead wrong in believing she could help him.
She had thought forcing him to empathize with the people he had hurt most would let him grow through his past. He was asked to contact his ‘victims’ in order to discover why he would provide so much promise only to bring down so much pain. He had listened to countless of people tear him apart as he tried to hear out the anguish he had forced them through, but he had drawn the line when he had been asked to reach out to Alice.
His therapist had never seen it coming. No one ever did. Not after his charm was flicked on.
“…lead in this project since you expelled Chavez I-” Jimmy turned off the mini holo Nee had showed him earlier. It was the third time he had watched the clip. He had gone through nearly all the files she had downloaded already but had found nothing new. Most were simply logs of engineers claiming they had seen a blanket ghost near the exterior communication equipment. They had all been discarded as hallucinations from a buildup of pressure in the brain. Just like they had tried to do to Lagos.
They should have paid more attention to them.
He had looked through the files more out of boredom than curiosity. He couldn’t care less about what was out there anymore or what had happened or who’s fault it was. He simply wanted to survive and get back to his usual routine as soon as possible. Surviving through an overactive mind with not enough to do was proving difficult.
He seemed to grow hungry more often. Seemed to grow tired more quickly. He had tried music just to become annoyed. He had exercised only to get up a few hours later and do it again. He had explored the foggy chamber multiple times. No matter what he did, he could not keep himself from thinking.
He was trapped inside his mind.
It took him back to all the places in the past that one wishes would just vanish. The places of humiliation where the wrong thing was said or done as a child. The memories of constant disappointment from those who are supposed to love you. The loss of the one person who showed him he could carve out his own path. The times of betrayal that followed after and the awareness of how insignificant his natural abilities and successes truly were. Of how little Jimmy mattered. The pain he dumped on the undeserving.
He had dreamed about the future as this holy mecca where time would cease once he had hit this perfect state. That his happiness would never ware, his riches never disappear, his freedom everlasting. A state where he would be beautiful and admired forever.
He was stupid.
Not because he believed it to be an unrealistic dream, but because he had believed himself a rational man and yet couldn’t admit to himself that it was unrealistic. He had become so good at fooling others that he had fooled himself with the same bullshit.
There is no future for the old and alone.
He looked at the dead body by him and found its methods not as pathetic as he had originally thought. He somewhat envied Jarvis Upton. At least the once living Jarvis had been able to realize his impending death. There was no going back from a plagued mind. The guilt of your sins eats away any happiness the future might hold.
Jimmy shuddered as hard as he could, forcing those thoughts from his mind. He dropped the wrist from his grip and curled his lip. Jarvis had been a guilt ridden coward who couldn’t handle the necessary actions to stay alive. Jimmy had done what had been needed for him to get ahead. Guilt was temporary, as was loneliness.
He wouldn’t be alone and old, he’d have himself and he’d have Nee. He’d have the knowledge that he had proved them all wrong.